It is on our bleakest days that it’s most difficult for us to look inwardly and consider what we are thankful for.
Today has been one of those days.
And yet it is 23rd November 2017, and although I am not an American, it is Thanksgiving: a day entirely dedicated to having thanks for what we maybe take for granted. And so, this short post is a list of all the things I am Thankful for, as a reminder to myself that despite how I may feel, I am such a crazy lucky person!!! But I also hope this serves as a reminder to those of you reading that no matter what has happened up until this point, the opportunities and pitfalls of life are gifts that we have to be grateful for. They shape us and make us so that we can be the best person that we can possibly be.
I am thankful for…
My Friends. As crazy as they all are, I have such an eclectic group of friends that know me. In their own ways they know what I need to feel supported: be that a bottle of gin driven directly to my door or a handwritten note in the post just letting me know that i’m still a Queen. My friends are my support system, especially in a city like London that can feel incredibly lonely. They’ve been there when i’ve been insanely happy, and desperately sad, and thank GOD all of the good ones still want to be my friend after seeing my puffy-eyed crying face. I love you all. Thanks for being you.
My Family. It’s very difficult when you’re not around your family all of the time to maintain a closeness, but I know that my family are my foundation. If I need to run home to hide under a blanket with a glass of wine and a completely senile cat then I know my parents and brother will welcome me back with open arms and a bottle or 3 in the fridge. At the same time, most of my family live in Scotland but I know that they still support me, either by reading my blog or checking in on facebook or even sharing a video of me being like “THAT’S OUR KAYLEIGH”. It sounds ridiculous, but although we’re all spread across the UK… I still feel supported. It’s awesome.
My Awesome Job. I am a nob but I love my job. I LOVE MY JOB. Yes, it’s annoying having to do really bizarre resting jobs every few months to pay the bills, but I DON’T CARE. I get to go on stage and sing my tiny little boobs off and get paid for it and there is nothing that will ever stop me being grateful for that. My job has so many ups and downs: there were times when I wanted to quit, and times when I thought i’d never stop crying from happiness. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And as jaded as the theatrical industry can become, I hope that the little 10-year-old me, who never thought she’d get to be on the stage, keeps wide-eyed and optimistic so that I never let my thankfulness diminish.
My Honesty with myself and others. I sometimes really put my foot in it. Like badly. Because I don’t have a filter. If i’m upset, i’ll tell you. If I think you’re an asshole, i’ll tell you. If I need you, i’ll tell you. It makes me hella vulnerable. And sometimes it backfires and I get hurt. But despite this, I’d rather be an open book than close my heart to someone. I would rather be easily read, understood, and clear so that people know whether they want in or not. Protecting your heart too much can be one of the biggest barriers to growing as a person, and so, despite all the hurt, I will always be thankful for being as open as I am. I want a honest life, and for that I have to start right from me and work outwards. And in the end I know that those who have seen the real me and still want to be a part of my life are the ones I need in my life too.
My desire to better myself. There’s nothing more exciting than that hot sensation in your stomach when you REALLY want something. That burning desire to just go and get it. Of course, I have my days when that does not exist and someone please come and feed me Pizza, BUT, most days I am ambitious. I am plotting. I am planning. And I never want that to ever stop because it will always keep me moving forward. I am so thankful that I am not happy being in one place. I want to achieve new things in my career, I want the best out of my friends and relationships, I want to see parts of the world I haven’t seen. My aim next year is to further that, because it is that passion that keeps me progressing as a person.
My life. Shit happens. It really does. And sometimes you do have to have a day or two where you cry and wallow and say how awful things are. But there comes a point, where you pull back the curtains, let the sunlight hit your face and you go… Ah… Life’s still happening. And that is the best part about it. The world keeps spinning, so you can either sit back and let the world take you, or you can choose how you go on the journey. I am so lucky to have the life I have, the freedom of my choices, the roof over my head, the food that I eat. There are times when I can take it for granted, but I am doing this list so that if I ever do need to wallow, I can remind myself how great things are. My life is bloody awesome and I should be thankful. And I am. THANKS LIFE.
On this Thanksgiving, even if you aren’t American, I do urge you to take a step back and say, “What am i thankful for?”. Even writing this list has helped to lift my spirits and see that tomorrow is a new day, even if today was a bit pants. We all have things to be grateful for, even if it’s as simple as the view out of your window, or that amazing Chicken BLT you had for lunch. It’s these things we should cherish and hold onto. The world itself can be a scary old place, but it’s up to you how you choose to see it. You can hide away and be fearful, or be thankful for whatever this crazy day of opportunities will bring you.
All the love and thankful-as-hell-that-you’re-reading-this vibes,
– Koko x